Article

 Rick Ferrell - February, 2025

We can look all around us and see the chipping away at the importance and value of marriage. The divorce rates inside and outside Christianity are almost identical and have been for several years. Around 50% of marriages end in divorce. And it doesn't seem to be slowing down. This trend has led to an explosion of people merely cohabitating and raising families. Statistics reveal that 1 in 4 adults, in the US, are or have lived together.

So, here's my challenge to you right now. If you and your boyfriend or girlfriend or fiance are living together. STOP! Just STOP! 

• It's fornication and therefore sin against the Lord.

• It sets you up for a ton of problems when you do marry.

• You're not fooling anybody. You know you can't “try out” a marriage before you get into one.

And if you're married and thinking about leaving, STOP. Don't give up. God requires that marriage be based on Biblical principles. So when we travel the rough road of what to do next in our marriage, and we feel we're at the valley of decision, let me tell you that God can pull you out of that valley and set your feet on solid ground in your marriage.

But it has to be God's way. 

In marriage, many times we have warning signs or alarms that alert us to trouble ahead. But too often we neglect the warning signs and we tend to tune out alarms like lights on a dashboard. You know the lights I'm talking about. It’s sometimes easy to ignore; check engine light, tire pressure, oil change. But one light we cannot ignore is the LOW FUEL warning light.

I feel that’s a warning light (low fuel) that many marriages are running on.  Many are running on fumes. It doesn’t have to be that way. God has given us His Word and not only that but He has given us His Spirit to teach and instruct us.

GOD INVENTED MARRIAGE

Marriage is not a human arrangement or social construct. Psychologists and social scientists will try to convince you that marriage is a “social convention of man” which arose out of man’s need, and therefore can be changed when man’s need changes.  

The truth is man never thought of marriage. God introduced marriage to man before man ever knew there was a need for it. We find the beginning of man in Genesis 1:

Genesis 1:26-27 ESV — Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

Then we find marriage in Genesis 2:

Genesis 2:21-24 ESV — So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

This is why we have such an attack on the family. Culture has gone from attacking traditional/Biblical marriage (1 man, 1 woman, for life) to now pushing alternate marriages. It’s interesting how culture screams equality and rights in marriage, yet the only marriage they’re pushing for is marriage in the gay and homosexual lifestyle, while rejecting the God ordained traditional marriage.

Folks, I believe we need to get back to God’s original plan.

Psychologist and author Les Parrot said this “marriage is not so much about finding the right person, as it is about being the right person.” Oh, how true that is. So many times when finding a spouse, our focus is getting what we want when our focus should be for the Lord to make us right in His eyes and He will bring the right one to us. That's what He did with Adam. Remember the verse we just read: “and the Lord brought her to the man.”

Strong marriages endure when they adhere to and obey God’s Word.  

We cannot allow culture to dictate how a marriage should work. Marriage must be defined by the Bible, not the world. So no matter how difficult, we must go to the BIBLE.

And this is exactly what Jesus did.  

In Matthew 19, the Pharisees came to Jesus and asked if it was right to divorce your wife for any reason. Jesus didn’t deal with their question at that moment. He dealt with the original concept and design of marriage. How God brought 2 together and made 1.

He pointed them to the Scriptures. A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and the 2 shall become 1 flesh.

Long before there was a nation, government, a school or even a church, there was a man and woman brought together to be husband and wife.  The institution of marriage predates every other human institution or relationship in Scripture and remains one of the key foundation stones of any society.

Jesus was quoting Genesis 2:24:

Genesis 2:24 - Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

This verse, Genesis 2:24, will be the focus of this article today. 

LEAVING AND CLEAVING

First, marriage begins with leaving - A distinct departure and distancing from all other relationships. The closest relationship outside of marriage is specified here, which is the relationship of a child to their parents. This implies that if it’s necessary to leave your father and mother, then all lesser ties must be broken, changed or left behind.

YOU LEAVE ALL OTHER RELATIONSHIPS

Yes, you’re still a son or daughter, but your relationship with your parents have changed. In every marriage ceremony I minister, my instruction to the parents is that you are no longer responsible FOR your child. That’s now the responsibility of their spouse, but you are now responsible TO your child, to be that Godly example of how a husband or wife should behave.

If you’re a husband, your best friend and closest confidant needs to be your wife. If you’re a wife, the same is true of your husband. It’s good to have other friends, but there should only be ONE best friend in your life, and it should be your spouse.

Pay close attention to any friendships you may have with the opposite sex. Be on close guard and keep that friendship at arm’s length. The devil is strong and his deception is real and if you’re not careful you will fall into his trap, any one of us can get caught if we are not careful, to LEAVE OTHER RELATIONSHIPS.

Second, we are to cleave. Marriage in the beginning was intended for companionship. To “cleave” means to adhere to, to stick to, to be attached by some strong tie.  

Creation scientist Dr. Grady McMurtry said it like this:

“To cleave is like 2 sides of an ax head coming together at the sharp edge. When the edge is sharpened, you can't tell which is the right side and which is the left. They are molded together to form 1 edge.”

In the verb form it speaks of something that is done aggressively - a determined action. It’s actually the idea of holding onto something. Not that you're stuck to something like a fly caught in a web, but you are aggressively, deliberately holding onto it.

If you fall off a cliff and are able to grab a tree root sticking out of the ground. You would aggressively hold and cleave to that root with everything you could. That’s the idea of “cleave” here: you and your spouse aren’t holding onto each other passively, but aggressively. You’re not “stuck” together as much as you are “sticking together.” That’s what needs to happen in marriages. It’s a dangerous, stormy, and evil world out there and we need to hang on to each other.

When we LEAVE AND CLEAVE properly, we begin to build on the right foundation.

How many of you have ever built a house (or had one built), where you started with a blank slate and several months later you moved in?

How many have ever remodeled a house?

Remodeling is:

• Time consuming

• Expensive

• Disrupts life

• Lot’s of work

It’s the same way, if a marriage isn’t built on the right foundation. To remodel a marriage takes a lot of work, a lot of time, a lot of mess to straighten out, but let me tell you something guys, IT IS WORTH IT. It's wonderful when you can look at the house and you feel so good about the changes you made and the hard work you put into it. It’s the same way when you make the necessary changes to have a better marriage.

You may have to completely tear it down to the foundation it was built on in order to rebuild it God’s way. But you should do it. 

What do you mean by tearing it down to the foundation, Pastor Rick?  This is what I mean: whatever you need to do to eradicate the fear, anxiety, baggage, hurts, unforgiveness, or whatever is causing you to feel conflicted towards your spouse, do it. Strip it all away and start over on the right foundation. 

Forgiveness is the key to making your marriage work. If forgiveness is the bridge that reconciles a sinner to a Holy God, then forgiveness will be the bridge to reconcile you to your spouse.

Dr Randall Schroeder, licensed marriage and family therapist and pastor, in his book “Simple Habits For Marital Happiness” said this:

On a human level, the central tenet of the Christian faith is interpersonal restoration through forgiveness. Jesus said,”But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:15 NLT). Even while being crucified on a cross, Jesus said, “Father, forgive them” (Luke 23:34 NIV). Forgiveness is always beneficial because it alone can repair relationships-with God, others, and your spouse. Forgiveness is a lifelong essential ingredient for maintaining a gratifying marriage. Forgiveness of sins is truly the greatest blessing for every couple.  If a marriage is broken, only forgiveness can glue the relationship back together.  WIthout forgiveness, you and your spouse will build an ever-growing wall between the two of you. 

Rebuilding is tough. But here is what you don’t want to do: you don’t want to walk away from the marriage. It’s worth the long process, the sleepless nights, the hard work, and the compromises. Why? Because it’s God’s way.

Building new the right way is always cheaper and usually less stressful than remodeling, because once you’ve moved in, there is always more junk to deal with. So, build your marriage right from the foundation up. But if you did not build right in the beginning, I want you to know you can remodel your marriage and begin building right today.

We are commanded to leave and forsake all other relationships. Then, we're commanded to cleave to our spouse; holding on to each other as if your life depended on it. And you know what, your life really does depend on it.

Proverbs 18:22 ESV — He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.

Let me encourage you that in your marriage, if you and your spouse put God first, everything else will come together. With the Lord leading the way, there are no irreconcilable differences.